I hate meeting new people. It has nothing to do with nerves or the fear of change. It has everything to do with their handshake.

Recently I’ve been meeting important people. They’ve been around for years. They’re rich. They know Google (because Google itself is a person.) They have meetings practically every day. This isn’t new to them.

So why when I shook their hand did it feel like a limp fish? (Can a fish be anything but?) Is it because I’m a woman? Are you giving me your “sexist handshake?” Or is it because I’m small? Are you sizist? I go out of my way to raise my neck and look up (way to rub in my size jerks) so I can look you in the eye as I give you a firm handshake.

You’re not going to break my hand. So what the hell? Put on your big boy pants and man up! Shake my eff’in hand like you mean it!