Here we are again

Posted by Jessye

It has been about four weeks since my dad has spoken to me. Earlier this month he needed some money and reluctantly I gave it to him. I knew I wouldn’t get it back, but I felt obligated to help him. I told him that should he lie to me and tell me that I’d get my money in two days, only to be blown off, he could forget about having a relationship with me.

Too many times has he borrowed money from me only to disappear for days, if not weeks, at a time. This is in addition to having an already rocky relationship. Those past times I phone stalked him until he gave in. This time I didn’t. I haven’t called him in four weeks.

I should be disappointed in his lack of communication, but I’m not surprised. He’s begun treating me like everyone else in his life; a means to an end or a bank account. It was only a matter of time it seems. Just because I’m not disappointed doesn’t mean that I’m not hurt by this. I told my mom earlier this evening that maybe this is what I needed to let go of him. I spent years feeling trapped by my pity and guilt for him. Maybe I needed to be pushed…

I don’t need him. I haven’t needed him in years. He’s missing out on key moments in my life. He’ll have to live with that. He had every chance in the world to get to know the woman his baby girl has turned into. I’m tired of chances.

I think I’m getting to the point where I can have a civil relationship with him, but to ever have any emotional bond, well, I don’t see it happening. Sad, but true.

I just had to “talk” this out with myself. Aren’t you lucky I chose my blog as my platform of choice? Sure you are…

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